How I Rage

Computers problems are my kryptonite. I can be going along, leaping tall buildings in a single bound and flying stiff armed through the sky, when BAM—some inexplicable computer malfunction blasts me out of the proverbial arms of Lois Lane. The mature, calm me retreats to the inner chamber of my psyche—you know, the unreachable, subconscious spot where most likely the wisdom of levitation and solution to world hunger lie. This is where the mature me goes in moments of computer trauma. Who emerges in my stead? Well, that’s me too…only I’m about three years old. I try to contain this version of myself at first, breathing deeply and saying “okay, okay” a lot. But even as I try to quell the anger brewing in me, I can feel my temperature rising—a biological time bomb that can detonate at any time. And suddenly its percolation time. Three year old me starts heaping obscenities at the computer, throwing whatever pen or pencil may be in my hand, pounding whatever key on the keyboard seems to be playing the most important role in my torment at the time, and of course, always ending my tantrum with a pleading “What the #@*?” (I really don’t think I knew all those words when I was three. Perhaps quasi-three year old is the more accurate description). It’s really quite embarrassing when someone is in the room, watching my entire tirade. I always feel like an idiot when they calmly come over and try to solve my problem like a real grownup adult. And then I have to of course apologize for my irrational behavior… ‘yes I know yelling at it won’t help, of course I’ll buy you a new pen, no I don’t kiss my mother with this mouth—actually I don’t normally kiss my mom on the mouth, we’re more cheek people…”
Okay, well now I’m going to try to post this blog which may be a task since the internet for some unexplainable reason has chosen to be spotty. I guess that’s okay since that particular computer challenge gave birth to this blog. The birthing process is over, however and its time for these words to fly into the void so—this better work. If doesn’t I’m think I’m just going to go down for a nap.